I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
