I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
