census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
