I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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