Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I love how my cats smell like pot.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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