omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
