I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
