i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
