yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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