it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
