someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my being single is dangerous.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
