With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
