Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
