is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
