well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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