I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
