The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
