Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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