are you still at the devil's house?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
