I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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