Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
