we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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