Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
you never un-have a 4some
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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