I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
