there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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