I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
