Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
