I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
