I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
