i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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