This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
