i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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