He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
