Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
