Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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