Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
