The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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