So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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