hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
