I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
