if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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