what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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