I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize