this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
