When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
