I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
