Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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