Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
