No awkward lesbian experiences without me
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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