Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
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