Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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