Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
